In Fiction★

To Lie

Woohyun/OC oneshot - song-based

We can’t cross over
This cruel wall we’ve encountered
We must be separated
I’m telling bad lies
For your sake I’m telling lies

“Call me if you need anything,” I said, holding my hand to her face and caressing it for what would be the last time.

“You! Get away from my daughter! You dirty scoundrel!” I could hear her father shouting at me from his window.

Looking into her eyes one last time, I slipped away into the shadows, leaving her alone in the dimly-lit street. I hid, unseen, watching her try to find me in the darkness. Eventually, she gave up and went home. Once I was satisfied that she had reached home safely, I escaped into the dark winter night.

The darkness was my friend. I could see in the dark just as well as one could see when there is light. Navigating through the network of dark alleyways of the city, I made my way home.

It wasn’t that I hated the light. Where there is light, there is darkness; where there is darkness, there is light. One cannot be without the other. To have the darkness, there must be light. Shadows are not shadows if there is no light. To have the light, there must be the darkness. The light cannot be any brighter if there is no darkness to compare it to. And though they contradict each other, they coexist in this world.

She was the light. I was the darkness. We could coexist in each other’s worlds, but we could never be one.

And she could never be mine.

I only love you
Those feelings haven’t changed
We have our lovely memories
That we’ve piled up together but
Because we can’t spend tomorrow like we did today
I’m going to tell you a big lie

Ring

I stared at the phone. It was midnight. Why would anyone call this phone and not leave a message on my cell? I hesitantly moved over to pick up the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Woohyun?” It was her. I gulped quietly and took a deep breath.

“Yeah?” I tried to sound uninterested.

“Are you free right now? I’ve got some food for you.”

“I…” I closed my eyes and mentally kicked myself for wanting to say yes. “No, you can keep it.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

There was a brief silence. I decided to seize the opportunity to say the words I couldn’t bring myself to say to her face.

“I have something to tell you.”

“…What is it?” I could hear the worry in her voice. I felt my nose start to sting as a tear escaped my eye. I steadied my breathing and hardened my heart.

“I don’t love you.”

She didn’t answer.

“I never did. Your dad is right. I am a dirty scoundrel. But guess what, you can hate me all you like because I’m never going to change.” Lies, all lies! The voice in my head screamed. Take that back! Take it all back! She doesn’t deserve such pain!

“Well… you heard me. Don’t look for me anymore.”

And then I hung up.

Because you’re not thick-headed,
I say goodbye
I was sure that I’d be exposed right away
We have no choice, if we stay like this
We are falling down, and you say what

My tears just kept falling. I thought of her, sitting in her bedroom, alone, broken-hearted, crying her eyes out. I thought of her, probably in her own world of misery. I thought of her, perhaps wondering if it was something she had done. I wanted to call her, to tell her I didn’t mean any of it, that I loved her and that she was perfect. But I couldn’t. It was better that she fell and rose again stronger, than to be in a hopeless situation like ours. I wanted her to find a man she could spend the rest of her life with, happy and free. I didn’t want her to spend each day worrying that we might be seen together. I didn’t want her to have to hide her beautiful face in the darkness. Most of all, I didn’t want her to have to suffer an unhappy life because of me.

She’d find a great man for her, and move on.

I took my cell phone and deleted every photo, every text message, and finally, with much hesitation, her contact.

I’m burdened with a crime
Tell me all, inside my heart
That I want to resolve
To Lie

I couldn’t sleep that night. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw hers. Her deep, brown eyes that always looked at me as if I was the light in her life. I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking back to my memories with her. She lit up my life like the light she was. A bright, shining beauty who deserved better than the darkness.

It made my heart ache to think that I had once sworn never to hurt her. To protect her from anything.

I felt like a failure.

Right now, your eyes
Are staring at me in this moment
Don’t cry, don’t cry, come on
You get hurt from my lies, you baby
When did I do that? Yeah, and then I kissed you, oh

Her eyes were shining as they looked at me, but they were shining with tears. Sorrow washed over me as I watched her cry. I reached out my hand and caressed her cheek.

“I love you,” I whispered, leaning in to give her a kiss.

I woke up to the buzzing of my cell phone on the bedside table. Picking it up, I saw a single message from her. Sure, I had deleted her contact in my phone, but that didn’t mean that I hadn’t memorised her number.

Will you at least tell me why? It said.

I deleted the text and threw my cell phone away, not caring where it landed. It made a terrible sound as it came in contact with the concrete floor. I sat on the edge of the bed, massaging my temples. Nam Woohyun, you are a terrible person.

I proceeded to rummage through my tiny apartment for anything that would remind me of her. The gifts she had gotten me for my birthday, for Christmas, or just because… I tried not to take a second look at them as I put them all away. Even if it was the only clock in the entire house. Even if it was the most comfortable pair of gloves I owned. If I looked at it and thought of her, I packed it up in the box. I was going to start afresh, and hopefully she was too.

I packed whatever that was left of my belongings in a backpack, and I carried both down to the lobby. The old landlord was already awake, and I greeted him politely.

“You’re going somewhere?” He asked, pointing to my backpack.

“I’ve decided to move,” I explained.

“Oh? Did you finally marry your girl?” He asked with a grin.

I forced a painful laugh. “No, no.”

“Well then, you’ve already paid your rent for this month, are you sure you don’t want to stay till the month ends?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” I said as I returned to him the keys to the apartment. “Please have a good day, sir.”

I bowed and left before he could say anything else.

I’m burdened with a crime
Tell me all, inside my heart
That I want to resolve

After dumping the box near some caravan parking site, hoping someone would be lucky enough to come across it, I adjusted my scarf and quickly walked the few miles to the train station. I didn’t have much money, but I hoped I would at least scrape a living in the next town.

Looking up to the sky, I mumbled, “Mum, dad, please watch over your foolish son.”

To lie, I shall sing it for you through the night
To lie, I shall be turning on the broken light…